Things That Take Time

As I get older, I’ve become more interested in processes. I like things that are complicated, that require precision over a number of steps. Making a good cappuccino or french press. Building a shelf. Assembling a shoe. It’s so bad, that I spend an inordinate amount of time watching time lapse videos of people making things I could never see myself making, just for the sake of experiencing craftsmanship on some level. As an artist, I envy the craftsman. A person that can channel their expression in so narrow a way that they can perfect a single aspect of it. There is nothing that can be made by an artist or tradesman that will ever be as, at-once, beautiful and functional as what a master craftsman is capable of.

I won’t deny that what drew me to games initially was the idea of making fun. Of manifesting the ideas that flowed through my head while I played the games. But as I’ve evolved as a developer that has changed. I love every step of the process of making a game. I love sitting in a chair and dreaming or mapping thoughts out on a whiteboard. I love hammering out code on early prototypes and figuring out solutions for a whole new problem set. I love poring over sprites, crafting them pixel-by-pixel. I love banging on the keyboard in my DAW and picking out notes on a piano roll. Every step of the process is vital and necessary and beautiful. This is the only medium I’m aware of that blends so many disciplines, yet is conducive to a solo effort, should you so choose.

Like a good cup of coffee, games take time. And, much like coffee, no matter how much love and dedication you put in people don’t really give a shit until you get it wrong.

Finding the Motivation to do Things

I have a problem keeping up with this stuff. My site was down for the better part of a month over an issue that ended up being super easy to fix. I don’t know what’s going on. I do the therapy and everything, but I don’t know how much it’s actually helping with my productivity. Maybe that’s part of my problem. Maybe I’m too obsessed with productivity. I guess I have to be, to a certain degree. I work a full-time job besides all this stuff. If I don’t fight for the time to make things, I’ll never do it. But I feel like that pressure is part of the reason I dread the times when I have to push. I like to make games. I like to make things. This is what I want to do. Why is it so hard to just do it?

That’s probably a little personal, but as I’m just restarting this thing, I’m not going to put any expectations on it. I’m just going to write what feels natural and just call it that. It’s not likely too many will be reading in any case. If you are, I apologize. I don’t have the answer. I’ve dedicated a huge chunk of my life to finding the person that does. If you know them, can you get me their e-mail? I have questions.